Aaron Comes Out

It was 1999. September, Aaron was 9 years and 10 months old. Aaron knew now, that I was gay. I told him back in April. It took a few months of me telling him what gay actually meant. And what it means to be gay. And why I am gay. I told him about my feelings towards other men. And how many different types of gay there are.. bisexual, homosexual, lesbian to mention the main ones.

For a 9 year old, soon to be 10. he listened in pretty good. Sure he laughed a few times and said some names that he heard people say in the playground at school. But now, I told him all about the “truth” of the matter. He didn’t find them so funny.

Aaron. Started becoming more and more interested in what gay was. What it meant to me. And how I felt. At first I thought it was just curiosity. So I didn’t think much of it until this one conversation.

“So, boys can be gay too?”

“Yeah, they can. I didn’t just wake up one morning and decided. Hey I am gonna be gay.” I said.

“So when did you really know?”

“I was probably around 11. maybe 10 when I knew something was different.” I said.

“What was different?”

“Well. Its hard to explain. I was just a normal kid at school. Had loads of friends. Even hung out with girls. But sometimes I felt. Strange. More. Attached to the male friends I had. I was more comfortable with them than the girls. I felt I could just be more together with them.” I explained

“Did you kiss one?” he laughed

“No. but I sure wanted to.” I said.

“Did you look at them in shower?”

“Yeah, I did” I said.

“I do to.”

*stunned silence

“Yes, ok, but all boys look.. its all part of discovering what your own body is doing.” I said.

“I feel nice when I am with boys”

“Ok, what do you mean?” I asked.

“I think I am gay too.”

“Aaron, that’s very sweet. But, are you seriously saying you are gay?” I asked.

“I feel the same as you with boys.”

“So, you are gay?” I asked to clarify.

“Yeah”

So with that.. and after a few more things I asked if he had “done” that could clarify it. It was a sure thing. He is gay. I did worry that he was too young to know that and that he will grow out of it. But then I realized. When I asked him to tell me more about how he felt. That is exactly how I felt when I was almost 10. But back then. I didn’t have anyone to tell me that meant gay. I had to work it out myself right until I was 14 before I really knew the facts and said to myself. Yes, I am gay.

Aaron was kinda lucky now. He could label what he was at such an early age. Where most homosexual men would honestly say.. they knew.. but couldn’t quite label it as such.. very few actually would know the full story when they were 9 years old. But Aaron knew now. Thanks to me.

Now, was the most difficult part….. What now????

Well.. I felt a great responsibility now to Aaron. I broke him into this world of knowing his own sexuality. And that this sexuality was a taboo subject to most kids in the play ground. Aaron was now a little kid with a million and one questions. And so little time to answer them all. I couldn’t just leave him now and say.. find out yourself. I had an obligation now to teach him as much as I could and as much as he could understand.

Its different when you teach a 14 year old about homosexuality. But Aaron was 9. and I was unsure what he understood. And if I was making myself clear. Then came the question. Should he tell his parents? That’s a tough one. They could say I put that thought into his head. They could say that he don’t know what he is talking about. They may get violent they may get abusive. They could take this news in any number of different ways.

Should he? Or should he not?

I basically told Aaron. That he should make up his own mind about that one. And I explained the risks and the consequences of coming out to people who do not understand. Talking about homophobia. Aaron understood what I was saying. And he pondered what he would do.

So that is how Aaron came out. Nothing fairy tale like. He simply heard about my experiences and then put them to his own. You could argue I put them into his mind. Made him think he was gay. But I assure you I didn’t. he was the one who came out and said.. I may be gay. Once he realized what it was he was feeling.. the label just came naturally. Yeah.. that’s gay. That is my diagnosis. No actions required for proof. Nothing kinky needed. Just a simple asking of some questions that would say. Yes or no to being gay.