First Kiss and Asking Each Other Out.

Aaron arrived on his bike within a few minuets and put it on the floor walking towards my front door. I opened the door before Aaron got there and walked out with his shoes on and walked silent towards the bike picking it up and putting it on the wall.

“What is up mate?” I asked looking at my silent friend.

“Nothing I just need to think that is all, we will walk towards the creek,” Aaron said without looking at me.

“You know it is life for murder,” I said jokingly.

“What?”

“It is life for murder, taking me to the creek.” I said smiling.

 “Fucking hell man.”

“You sure are mad aren’t you?” I asked.

“No man I just realized that I am gay or something and it wasn’t me who knew about it, it was someone else telling me what I am.”

“Hey mate I wouldn’t tell anyone, you know that?” I said. “Yeah I know it’s a shock.” I added.

“I am afraid at what will happen if others find out.”

“No one will,” I reassured Aaron. “Unless you tell them that is,” I added.

“Look mate I don’t want anyone knowing yeah?”

“Ok I will tell no fucker,” I said nodding.

We walked along the path towards the grassy park area between two houses. The other side of the swings and play ground was a wooded area with a public footpath through it into a field. The other side of the woods there is a bridal way for horses following the wooded edge in both directions. The field was recently ploughed by a farmer and was uncrossable. Normally they would walk across as a shortcut to the creek. We turned left and started following the bridal way.

“Look mate, I have never been with a boy but I have thought about it a lot, even wanked off over a dream with boys in I have been excited a lot of times when I am touched by a boy, even my brother.” I said

“You have feelings for your brother?”

“No I don’t” I said. “But I have thought about it.” I added.

“You need help!”

“Look I am not a freak ok?” I said.

“You are not a freak you just look like one and act like one!”

We looked at each other then laughed loud for a few seconds before starting to laugh louder and longer until tears appeared in our eyes. We hugged each other wiping our faces and giggling periodically as we walked. We came to a corner of the woods and the bridal path went straight on towards the edge of the field. We continued walking until they reached the field edge then turned off walking along the ridge of the field. There is a dyke on their left and the muddy field on their right.

We balanced and walked cautiously along the ridge until we reached the path on the other side made by the constant trespass of kids like us along the neutral grassy part of the same field where the farmer started his ploughing off. It was only a small strip of grass before we reached a farm tractor track leading away from the field between clumps of trees marking the edge of the field. The next field was grassy with sheep in. We were hurdled in the far corner grazing and bleating away merrily.

The edge of this field was marked by the track that had the dyke on the other side of it. About half a mile along the track there was a bridge made for the sheep to cross the dyke and that led into another field with a small wood on the far side with a trail of trees trailing out from it following the edge of this field following the line of the creek.

We walked straight across the field towards the wood following a path of dried mud which was part of a public footpath towards a footbridge over the creek in the woods. We continued to talk about our experiences and what made Aaron think he is gay from stories of relationships to thoughts and feelings.

“Look man, I just realized. Instead of blaming everything on other people or occurrences, why not see if we are to blame yeah?” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“Look at the end of the day you and I have been lying to ourselves for years about what we feel, well the truth is you have been lying to yourself and me and I have been ignorant to what actions I have been doing.” I stated.

“You have a point,”

“All those girls I have been with, all those dates all those admirers all those lies. I was leading the some what perfect pimp life style, making out that I was straight and ready for action and all the time in the back of my mind I was thinking of men!” I said looking at the ground.

“I don’t get it. Why?”

“Yeah well, I was Mr Peepshow **** without a clue until I told myself ‘hey man you looking like you seen a ghost, no that isn’t a ghost it’s a Willy watching magnet!” I said.

“Look mate, I find it funny ok?”

“Funny, what if someone else saw me? I would have to move state to get away from the harassment!” I said. “You know what is wrong don’t you?” I added.

“What?”

“You are in denial of what you are curious about and you are trying to come across as a victim when you are not! This is you, your hormones are making you like this and your brain is telling you hey look at boys as well they make you Horney!” I said

“Yeah maybe you are right,”

“Hey chin up man! Welcome to the jungle!” I said walking backwards in front of Aaron.

Aaron looked up and smiled, “I just don’t know what is going on that is all, I feel like I should be ashamed but I feel scarred or guilty because I don’t know what I am going to do!”

We reached the bridge and looked into the fast flowing water going under our feet. It was quiet at the bridge and no one was about. Aaron sat down on the banister and I leaned opposite him on the other side.

“So you are telling me you have never ever thought about yourself as being gay before?” I asked Aaron straight.

“Well maybe I have,”

“Ha caught you! You lied to yourself and me!” I said jokingly.

“Hey man I said maybe, I guess. I haven’t ever put a label on it nor fully known why I do things, I just did them.”

“That is understandable,” I said smiling.

“Look I have never had full on sex before with man or woman,”

“I know you have told me before,” I said.

“It is true that I have only snogged and touched a girl once in my whole life,”

“So, I already know that,” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“Well maybe that is why!”

“Look man, no! You have been watching boys for ages. You have turned down snogs from beautiful girls on stupid reasons before. You go all funny when you are being hit on. You go frigid every time a slow breeze goes over your neck for fuck sake. But when you are wanking or play fighting with someone or other boys you are naturally excited and exploring your surroundings.” I said.

“Really?”

“Yeah man you are!” I said.

“Look you said earlier that you didn’t really know and with the comment of you wouldn’t know until you tried, well now is your chance to try and see for yourself.” I said looking down at Aaron who was now sitting on the second wrung of the banister.

“Like how?” Aaron said picking a pebble up and throwing it through the banister into the creek.

“You’ll find out how,” I said. We sat there a few moments before Aaron looked up.

“What?” I asked.

“How about us two?”

“What about us two?” I asked.

“Us two, together. Properly. No playing around anymore.”

I never thought he would ask. Without rushing in to seem desperate and possibly frighten him off I decided the ‘I don’t know’ approach.

“What us two together!” I asked.

“Well yeah, we could go with each other and if we like it we are gay if not we aren’t”

“Yeah but us two!” I said.

“Look you said you thought of me a lot and wanted me instead of girls!”

“Yeah but imagining things and actually doing them, are different all together!” I said.

“Yeah, but it would only be a kiss or something like that wouldn’t it?”

“Are you hitting on me dude?” I said jokingly.

“I don’t know,”

“Maybe that was a bad idea, forget it man ok,”

“Look I didn’t mean to embarrass you then ok?” I said standing up and putting my hand on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron looked up and looked terribly guilty for even suggesting it.

“Look man, you are my mate and I like you like that but us two copping off with each other is totally different,” I said reassuringly.

“Is it?”

“You fantasize about me and wank off every night and share my room with a scary idea of lust for my body when you go with girls you actually want me and when it comes to getting an offer you say no! Look man, I am sorry but what is it that you want?” I asked sitting next to Aaron on the banister.

Aaron stood up and walked over to the other banister his back turned from me. He held on to the banister and spat into the creek.

“Look I am curious, yes. That is a label I now know for what I am. I never realized that I was until you told me today. My mind is all over the place and I just don’t like it very much. I may be gay I may not be. But this is now starting to make me question everything about me, my life, our friendship, all those times I have tried to get somewhere with countless girls. I never once suspected anything. But now I am a freak. I know so because my best mate told me so. Not only that my curiosity has turned into a quest to know the truth about what I am and I wondered how I could find out. You, you are gay. Well so you say but even you don’t really know that. You said yourself that you only imagine it and never thought about doing it before. Well if that is true how the fuck do you know? How the fuck do you know that you are gay or straight or a freak unless you try anything. I don’t want to do anything because I want to be gay I just need to know if I am or not that is all. All this I have never really thought of before today. It is like my whole life is turned upside down and fucked out the backside of Mother Nature. You are a part of this now! I never suspected you were either. We were just two normal boys living a childhood life until today. I was innocent before today; innocent because I was so naïve with myself and that was it. Now I am burning up inside over a incident today that made me start to think about everything in life. ‘Only natural’ yeah bollocks, this is the mother of all problems. This is…” I said to Aaron.

Aaron turned around as I was in mid speech to be face to face, literally nose against nose with me. Aaron closed his eyes and so did I as we neared the sealing of our lips together. Our lips touched, so softly. Aaron had tears in his eyes from my speech and now the world could fuck it’s self for all we cared.

Our tongues pushed at each others like warm slick slugs finding a bond beyond excitement. Soon our heads were tilted, heads together, lips sealed, tongues interlocked, saliva drooling, eyes closed in complete euphoria. I put my hands around Aaron and rubbed his back and buttocks in slow circular motions. Aaron did the same. The slow rocking of our heads and movement of our jaws became erythematic to the kissing, not fast and furious, but as if we kissed everyday like long term lovers, in a romantic fashion.

Our breathing started getting faster and our heartbeats pounding with love and excitement. I was excited in more than one way, my erection pushed up in my boxer shorts trying harder to escape with every passing moment. Soon I would either split my jeans or ejaculate inside my boxers.

We carried on for a few minuets until Aaron sighed and leaned back against the banister of the footbridge. He looked at me then wiped his mouth and sat back down. He was flustered and red with embarrassment. He smiled and giggled. Aaron was still in shock.

He sat down and breathed hard to get his breath back. He looked into the wood and then at me. Our eyes made contact and we smiled at first then laughed for a few minuets. Speechless, totally we sat and smiled looking away.

“Well, what was all that bollocks you were saying?”

“Never mind,” I said. “It was bollocks,” I added.

“No it wasn’t, I lied when I said I didn’t know. I heard every word and I agree, everything you said was true.”

“Thanks,” I said looking down.

“Now are you going to commit suicide or what?”

“Why?” I asked.

“With all that talk it sounded like you were going to jump in!”

“Yeah right,” I said smiling back.

“Well?”

“Was that what you were looking for?” I asked.

“Yeah I think?”

“Were you excited or disgusted?” I asked.

“Excited.”

“I think I splatted in my shorts,” I said looking down at my semi erect hard on pushing my jeans up.

“I take that as a excitement then,”

“Yeah I liked that,” I said.

“Yeah.”

“Is that all you could say?” I asked.

“Well what now?”

“What now, what?” I replied.  “Well what now between you and I?” I asked.

“What is there to say, we are still friends aren’t we?”

“Yeah but is there a boy in front of that?” I asked.

“Are you serious?!”

“Look we can’t be boyfriends like normal relationships you know?” I said.

“Yeah I know,”

“Look here is what we do, in public we are just normal Aaron and me. At your parents house we are the same old story. When you or I go shopping we are the same old normal dudes ok!” I pointed out.

“On the odd occasion we will get together and do stuff ok, but I don’t want this affecting my ‘straight’ life style ok? I don’t want anyone to know we are doing this and I certainly don’t want to be caught! Every so often we will do things together and play about but that is it ok!” I added.

“Ok with me, I agree we should be careful about it ok?”

“Agreed?” I said.

“Yeah we could have sleep over’s every other week or when you and I are free we could go some place yeah?”

“Yeah ok,” I said

I looked at Aaron with a smile and placed my arm around his waist.

“You!” I said a joking scowl.

Aaron put his arm around me in the same way and rested his head against my shoulder.

“So what do we tell mum and dad?”

“Anything as long as I am out of the country!” I joked back.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“It’s Five fifteen,”

“Shit we’d better be going back home!” I said.

“Yeah you’re right,”